A Woman Becoming

Bali 2025

There’s a vision we often carry —

that those who’ve gone through the fires of alchemy,

through the Hero’s Journey,

through the dark night and back again —will finally get to rest.

We imagine that after awakening, we arrive at some mountaintop where the air is always clear, the path always smooth, the sun always shining.

But the truth is far more sacred — and far more real.

As the Buddhists say:Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.

I once dreamed that, having survived the unraveling, having surrendered, burned, and been reborn —that everything would be perfect.Roses. Rainbows.No more pain. No more struggle.

But what I discovered on the other side was not perfection —but presence.

Not a life without cycles —but the grace to ride them.

Life is a sine wave.Cycle after cycle.Initiation. Surrender. Expansion. Integration.And then… it begins again.

But now, I am different.

Because I’ve risen from deep transformation, I meet the waves with ease, grace, and non-attachment. Challenges still come — they always will. But I no longer brace against them. I meet them with a stillness I’ve cultivated in the storm.

Before my awakening, life felt harsh and heavy. I was judgmental, confused, constantly performing and hustling for belonging, safety, and approval. There was a chaos in my breath, a tightness in my chest,a gnawing need to hold it all together.

But now… I offer myself a gentle grace. I am far less punishing. Far more loving.

There is a humility that lives in my bones —not a false modesty, but a sacred truth: I don’t have all the answers. And I no longer need to.

I have become generous with myself and with others.T. here is softness in how I move, and strength in how I stand.

I trust the rhythms.

I trust the synchronicities.

I trust that life is working with me, not against me.

I used to fear change. Now I lean into it.

I am a woman becoming.

Not finished. Not complete. But open. Flowing. Evolving.

I live with the awareness that this life —this breath, this body, this moment —is sacred.

I’ve stopped grasping for certainty. I live by the mantra:

“Believe nothing. Entertain possibility.”

And I do.

I entertain the possibility that life is a gift.

That the energy behind this experience is benevolent.

That we are supported, guided, and held in grace.

Every day, in every way, I devote myself to knowing myself more deeply —and loving myself more fully.

I am sovereign.

I am surrendered

.I am authentic.

I am free.

And I am still becoming.

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Closing Reflection:

To the woman who thought she would “arrive” after the fire:

You are not late.

You are not lost.

You are on the path of becoming.

Let the spiral unfold.

Let the cycles refine you.

Let your joy, your sorrow, your stillness — all of it — be holy.

You are not behind.

You are becoming.