I Said Yes: The Moment That Changed Everything

A Beginning. A Reckoning, A Rising

"Few are willing to enter the fire of transformation. Yet only in the fire is gold made." Rumi

This road to awakening has been long, arduous, lonely and unforgiving at times. It has stripped me of identities I once clung to, and severed ties I never imagined living without. There were seasons I felt exiled (still do) - not just from others, but from the version of myself I once knew.

And yet...I have no regrets.

Because what I've lost compared to what I've found: truth, soul, sovereignty, tranquility within, a quiet mind, and the quiet knowing that I am becoming. I am still on the path. Still deep in the unfolding. But every step has been a return to the Self I came here to remember.

The Red Pill: Saying Yes to the Unknown.

I didn't know what I was saying yes to a decade ago when I was on my knees in a puddle of tears on my 49th birthday. 'Have your way with me, my life no longer works.' I didn't know, not really. All I can articulate now is it was a whisper - faint but undeniable. A nudge, a LONGING. A pull I couldn't explain. The initial pull - it didn't come with fireworks and explosions (that came later). It came in a quiet ache: There has to be more than this. That was the moment I swallowed the red pill. Not a literal one - but a soul agreement. A moment when I unknowingly chose to leave the Matrix of my life...

And awaken.

I have built this Sanctuary: Her Sacred Journey as a direct result of that fateful day I said 'Yes'. Everything you see here - my website, my book, this blog - was born from that fateful 'yes' a decade ago.

I didn't just survive the awakening; I lived to tell the story. And now, I speak for those who are newly entering the fire - who have felt the whisper and are trembling in their own soul's yes. Or for those who are in the midst of the journey and are having awareness of the profound meaning of the path you've chosen, and feel so alone. I want to first tell you: You are not crazy. You are not lost. You are being remembered.

The Matrix I Left Behind

After my 'call'; After I spoke 'Have Your Way With Me' to my soul, the world around me didn't shatter all at once. But something inside me did. A veil lifted. A system cracked. And the life I had carefully constructed - the mother, sister, wife, daughter roles, the performance of 'good girl' , bearing the burdens of householder, leader, career woman - began to fall apart.

Had I known what it would cost, I may have hesitated. But I believe that 10 years ago, not knowing was the gift. Because if we knew the price of awakening - we might stay asleep forever.

What followed was a decade-long descent into the sacred fire. Everything that was not my true essence was stripped away. The illusions. The masks. The pretending. The survival strategies. I didn't lose my life - I lost who I wasn't.

Courage: The Line I Crossed

Dr. David Hawkins in his incredible body of work, he speaks of the scale of consciousness - and how courage is the threshold. The movement beyond egocentric pride to courage to see beyond. The place where the soul steps over the line from ego to essence. When I look back, I see it now: That was the moment I crossed. I didn't know it at the time. I just knew I couldn't keep living a life that wasn't mine.

I said: "My will is Thy Will be done through me."

And the alchemy began!

The Isolation That Becomes Initiation

To awaken is to see what others cannot see.

To walk where others dare not go.

To feel misunderstood, mislabeled, judged and alone.

And to continually muster the courage it takes, and the surrender it demands to keep becoming your true self.

But that isolation...it becomes initiation. It forces you to go within. To find the essence of who you are. To rebuild your altar in the heart of your own knowing. To hear the guidance of your own knowing instead of the rules and demands outside of yourself. And now - a decade later - I see the purpose of it all.

The ashes were not the end.

They were the ground for something holy.

So I offer up my words, my history (her-story), my wounds to wisdom to you.

May your red pill be blessed.

May your path be sacred.

May your unraveling reveal your truth.

And may you find, in the mirror of my journey,

the courage to say yes - again and again and again.